Recreant
by HaineFlows
Summary: Alma and Kanda are miraculously saved by Allen. However as the days goes by, a short fit between Allen and Kanda turned into something else when Kanda coldly says "Stay away and mind your own business!" to Allen, he starts to have a complete reversal in attitude. He starts rebelling and bad mouths anyone who come close. And just as Kanda told him, he isolated himself from everyone.
1. When a Fallen Angel Awakens

DGray-Man: Recreant

_"He was just unfortunate enough to feel an eternity of luck defying moments. But the bonds sharing saddened lives is the greatest form of solution to loneliness. That is why he became a recreant to love."_

Chapter 1:

**When a Fallen Angel Awakens**

* * *

Sounds of constant beeping surrounded the room as a beautiful man in white slept with his hair scattered. His head elevated with a single pillow under his head. His long eye lashes and pale complexion along with a bland dull color of long white locks shaping his face he looked feminine. He had a lifeless body, only the constant up and down of his chest and the occasional breeze the doors gives whenever someone enters the room.

When two boys entered the room, one was grumpy while the other was just happy. "Allen..!" Happily in a soft tone Alma called for Allen who was in a deep slumber. He hugged their savior letting the well slept man feel his warmth. But his smile disappeared when he got no response from Allen. Kanda seeing the saddened face Alma got, he walked away. "Yuu? Why are you leaving?" Obviously he left as well, leaving the lonely man to sleep alone yet again. 

* * *

"Hey, Kanda have you visited Allen?" Lenalee asked him who was too busy looking Alma from far away, taking saying his order to Jerry.

"Hey... I know you like Akma that much but still you've got to pay attention to other people at least sometimes.. especially when he saved you." Trying to not cause a commotion, however she still wanted to say whatever she wanted to reach Kanda.

"I don't care." Again, that coldness. Lenalee expected that from him so she wasn't so shocked.

"I'm back!" Alma with his joyful smile. Kanda immediately redirected his attention to him. Lenalee sighed at Kanda's passiveness and selfishness.

Lenalee saw his brother rush through the cafeteria looking stern.  
"Brother!" She called out to him, curious.

"You guys! Come with me, Allen is awake!" Looking at the small group of exorcists, Lenalee grabbed the hands of her comrades and ran behind her brother. They hastily made their way Allen's room. The doors opened.

"Bluueegghhh...!" The horrid sounds of a man puking everything out. Rather whatever's left. "Umm.. are you okay?" Lenalee was concerned of course. "It seems being asleep too long made him sick ahahaha... bluegghhh..!" Lavi who was there to see him awake from his slumber had his own share of nauseousness. They nervously laughed while Allen continued to puke, his face was almost within the bin's entrance. After plentiful of time wasted from puking, Allen raised his head only to see an idiotic face looking all tired, dark bags and his cheek bones coming near to being seen.

"Ahhhh...I feel sick." He complained, when he noticed the people standing by the door, the overwhelming sight of too many people near him made him puke again. "Bluueegh...! T-too many people!" He shouted, begging for them to step out the room and give him space. Lavi took action and kicked them out but he himself was kicked out as well.

"Uhm... what just happened?" Lavi a little confused. "I wonder" Lenalee nervously tried to laugh it off when she saw Kanda slowly make his way back. "Ah Yuu? You're leaving again?" Alma chasing after Kanda again. Komui sighed. "That boy... he never gets tired of being cold." Getting troubled. 

* * *

"Hey, why did you just leave Yuu?" Alma attempting to scold his friend.

"He told us to leave." He stopped walking and looked over his troubled friend.

"Still, wouldn't it be better if we waited there outside until he was ready?"

"I don't care!"

Alma was startled but then Kanda saw this and almost instantly apologized.  
"I'm sorry, Alma." He held his friend's head and patted it softly.

"Why can't you be like this to everyone? Especially Allen? Allen has been so good to us! He saved us! Because of us, he didn't wake up for almost 6 months! Isn't what he's done enough for you to loosen up?" Tears weld up in his eyes as he tried to stop them from falling. Kanda was silent he was shocked inside that he's thought of Allen in such a way. Kanda just thought that Allen was just stupid.

"I saved you two not only because Kanda loved Alma but also because you two reminded me of something." Allen appeared out of nowhere but in fact he was just on his way to the cafeteria. "A-allen? Are you alright?" Alma remembered just a moment ago he was puking his guts out.

"Well I'm alright now, are you fine?" He smiled which reassured Alma.

"Yup! As fine as ever!" He was back to his cheery self. When Allen noticed he was with Kanda his smile disappeared.

"Ah so this guy's with you? So that's why Alma looked a little sad before I came." He was about to poke his index finger but Kanda swept it away like a fly.

"Why do you even care? I am asking you to stay away from us and mind your own business." He glared at Allen with his utmost intent to get angry anytime. Allen's heart sank when to learn that he wanted to add more distance between them. Allen was reminded of him and Mana when he was just as grumpy as Kanda but the thought of letting that memory go hurts him more. He understood why Kanda would be so overprotective of Alma but he just couldn't get why he can't just get along and smile with those two.

"I'm sorry." Kanda was shocked as to why he just apologized. Allen smiled sadly and patted Alma's head one last time. Alma and Kanda watched him leave as Timcampy followed behind him, Allen noticed tim and clasped him in his hands.

"Allen.. I've got a feeling that he... somewhat went through something just now. He's matured.."

Kanda couldn't get that sad smile Allen gave out of his mind. He couldn't understand why he just apologized. If it were a normal quarrel of theirs it would've been a series of nickname calling, but this time it was short and the atmosphere was heavy. 

* * *

The next day, Allen immediately went on a mission alone. He didn't show up in the order for weeks. When he got back, he changed. He stopped smiling as much, and had this unwelcoming look. Whenever he passes by Kanda he doesn't even look over or flinch. He became cold.

"That boy... something must've came up." Marie said while Kanda sat beside him. "You know, I've told Allen once that you two are so similar." He said as Kanda flinched with the mention of Allen. Things aren't as clear as before, Allen and him haven't patched things up since. "Did you and him have a fight again?" Kanda didn't answer. It wasn't much of a fight he thought. "Though it seems it's not only that... I hope General Cross does something about this." Wishful thinking, Cross has returned from one of his long term missions. "Oh Alma!" Marie sensed his footsteps coming so Kanda looked behind. "Alma." He called for him but then he noticed Alma's face. "Yuu! Marie! Allen is causing havoc!" Looking worried, they ran to where Allen was troubling people.

A slap across Chaoji's face caused the sharp sound to resonate through out the whole room. People murmured and gossiped about the whole thing.  
"Y-you.. from the start you're a noah! You don't belong here.. no.. you're motive is to actually kill every person here is it?!"

Allen gritted his teeth in annoyance.  
"YOU MURDERER-" Allen using his right leg kicked the man on his chest until they met a wall. His eyes were dark and had a look of wrath written all over it.

"This is bullshit." Still Chaoji was stuck to the wall struggling. He tried to set a punch on Allen's face however Allen easily stopped with with one hand. Just when Allen was about to fight back a blade almost too near his throat pierced so fast that he didn't notice.

"What are you trying to do, Moyashi!" Kanda ran towards them and grabbed his sword back. Allen put down his leg, Chaoji coughing. Allen turned away from the pitiful boy and walked away. "Noah! I knew it, this has been your goal all along!" That foolish man just didn't want this to end. "If I truly wanted to kill every last one of you, then right now, you wouldn't be even here to say that." Not concerned at all. "One day... I'll kill you for my own!" For the last time Allen was pissed off as to how persistent this guy is in making a fight. "Without that innocence of yours, YOU ARE USELESS." Every footstep he took imprinted on the ground as his anger took control of him. Kanda felt the overwhelming aura of which Allen was producing and finally took a moment to do something about this. "You better stop this, Moyashi." He held on his shoulders as a warning to stop.  
"When I get fed up with all this shit you give me, you will be the first one to taste whatever you think I've had in mind, fucker." And with that left the man in fear. He passed by Alma who tried to get his attention. "A-allen!" But Allen didn't stop. "Stay away." As he walked on.

"Allen... I know he's changed but not to this extent.." Marie couldn't believe what he just heard. Allen with his badmouthing and the obvious tone of aggressiveness on his voice. "Kanda...what might have happened to Allen? I'm really concerned." He ran to Kanda who was still in shock as to what he just witnessed. "He's completely lost it." He said but then he felt a hand on his shoulder. "It's you." That familiar long red hair he had swayed as he bended down to give a smile to the troubled exorcists. "You might think he's going through the rebellious stage. After all he's just a kid." A bluff just to settle the hearts of these children. But he was right, Allen is just a kid. However that might not be the only problem. "If it will ease the doubts you're feeling right now, I'll chase after that idiotic apprentice of mine. Look he even copied my hairstyle." Yes, Allen started growing his hair out rather didn't care about trimming his hair. It became long and messy. Despite the rough character he's showing recently, Allen looked like an angel with pale complexion and long white and silver locks. The scar and the stern look on his face made him look like a fallen angel. "He's grow like me, so handsome." Alma giggled and felt happier after heaving Cross' words.

"You there, be careful or else he might over take you in handsomeness." He pointed Kanda who didn't care a bit but was quite irritated, "Shut up!".

* * *

Author's Notes:

NEW STORRRYY~ Weeeeee X)

Again, a pinch of drama and a whole lot of hurt/comfort! I've also revived the Allen from the time he met Mana. :3

Please review, so that I'd know what you guys want to see! And also follows and faves are WELCOMED I LOVE THEM AND YOUUUU *A*

Heeeheee, thank you for reading~ heartheart


	2. Struck by Tears

DGray-Man: Recreant

_"He was just unfortunate enough to feel an eternity of luck defying moments. But the bonds sharing saddened lives is the greatest form of solution to loneliness. That is why he became a recreant to love."_

Chapter 2:

**Struck by Tears**

* * *

After the incident with Chaoji it didn't take long before he was able to move again. He was surprised that after realizing, it didn't hurt much as loud as he shouted in pain before. Allen stood beside one of the gates opened by him from the arc. Waiting for the go for his next mission. He was huffing, he looked pale and again the dark bags were back. When he saw Cross walking calmly towards him, carrying his brief case he slowly smiled and ran out to his master.

"Master...!" Allen suddenly fell to the ground as he passed out. "Hey you!" Cross ran to his apprentice who seemed lifeless. 

* * *

"He's gone back to the same state as before?" Alma worriedly asked Komui who was pondering on how to solve this.

"It seems so, no one knows if it'll be long this time.. Hopefully it isn't, though." He tried to smile when he saw Alma getting worried the most.

"Why don't you go with Kanda to the cafe and-"

"No!" Startled a little, Alma quickly apologized for the rudeness. "I-I'm sorry... I just feel indept to him." Komui understood him so he didn't question it at all. 

"Alma." It was Kanda calling for his dear Alma.

"Ah! Yuu..." He was quite unsettled to leave now but Kanda's presence meant leaving.

"Hey Kanda, would you visit Allen later tonight?" Komui trying his best to ask kindly.

"Why should I?" He coldly swept him away.

"Treat it like an order, please?" Kanda could feel Alma tug his top.

"Fine."

While walking away, Komui gave a smile at Alma as thanks for 'persuading' Kanda to do this for him.

* * *

**_"I never loved you, Allen."_**

**_"You were a mistake."_**

**_"Why did I pick you up?"_**

**_"I lived in misery!"_**

**_"Leave me alone!"_**

**_"Allen! Stop! Just leave me be!"_**

**_"Allen! Give me my peace!"_**

**_"STOP THIS!"_**

* * *

Allen woke up early in the morning the day after. Looking frantically as if he was looking for someone. He held onto his chest grasping that he was awake and alive. He touched his head lightly feeling his long locks as a reminder of the current day. He's been scared that one day he might not differentiate reality from a dream. He wanted someone to talk to, he wanted his Master to be there.

So Allen quickly stood up from his bed, steadying his feet. Ran to the door and looked for signs of his master. What he didn't notice was Kanda sitting in front of his door on a bench.

"Hey you're awake" He said casually. Allen suddenly remembers the harsh words Kanda threatened him with.

"I'm sorry!" He left without a care on where he was actually going.

"Hey! Stop would you!" He was freaked out when he looked back Kanda was chasing him. Almost immediately he stopped his tracks and looked behind hesitantly.

"Ah.. what is it?" Not creating eye contact at all.

"Don't move, you're probably not that stable yet." 

_'What is this? Kanda worrying about me?'_ He didn't quite believe this and denied it internally.

"No.. I'm looking for Master.." He said still looking away, refusing to make eye contact.

"I don't care, Alma will start worrying again if this continues. Will you just stop with the slumbers? Because whenever you do, Alma always gets involved somehow."

Allen felt the more, saddened. Kanda would never show anyone but Alma a drop of kindness. However he wasn't that surprised, almost as if he knew already. "Okay.. I'll try." Again he smiled sadly. "I'll just look for Master." He slowly walked away. Kanda kept the shock in side. He just gave in again. When Allen was leaving he saw a glimpse of him scratching his shoulder area. He wondered why. 

* * *

"Master?" Allen hoped this was his room. He had poor memory when it comes to rooms and directions.

"What it is..? So early..." He yawned his hair messy and obviously in the influence of alcohol.

"Master..."

"Oh it's you. You woke up?"

"..." He nodded.

"Had a bad dream?"

"..." He nodded again.

"C'mere." Offering his arms to his slowly tearing up apprentice. Allen instanly grabbed his Master from the back and silently cried. Cross caressed his student's hair and felt him shiver. Cross noticed someone at the side trying to hide when he obviously knew who it was. Not with thag long ponytail of his. Cross smirked at the same time felt angry.

_'That kid... he was sincerely concerned. I don't think it was just curiosity... But I won't let you have your way when my kid's suffering because of you as well.' _

Cross guided his kid inside as Allen's grasp tightened. "Let's sleep it off" He suggested but then Allen was just so fearsome of the thought of sleeping and seeing those things again. However Cross knew if he didn't sleep now, it'll bring him trouble either way. "Have you been seeing them worse nowadays?" Allen was shocked as to how Cross managed to figure it out so quickly. Ever since the day he was stabbed by Kanda's Mugen, the curse around Allen's eye rapidly increased in power. Allen's been seeing visions of akuma souls crying out to him, calling his name and begging. But what bothered him the most are the nightmares he's been having about Mana.

"Believe me, tomorrow it'll be alright. I'm here." Allen looked at his Master with tears on his face but still nodded. "Okay, let's sleep." He let Allen on the large bed he had and walked towards the opposite side to lie down beside him. He raised the covers and clung onto his student just like those days when Allen was broken. 

* * *

**_'A meeting will be held today for all present exorcists. This is mandatory and this will be the only announcement.' _**

The exorcists all met up in the meeting lead by Komui. "Where are those two?" He said getting impatient with the missing master and apprentice. "Maybe they're fooling around!" That kid Timothy just had to suggest that. Now the image of Cross seducing the female-like Allen to bed is making them crazy. "WE HAVE TO GET THEM NOW!" They said in unison. On their way to the door the 'couple' entered.

Allen was clinging onto his Master's sleeve, Cross had this concerned look on his apprentice. But then the idiotic faces some of the exorcists had made Allen felt embarrassed. "What are you looking at? Beat it." Yes, he still had that grumpy phase on. "Hahaha sorry, this kid's going through puberty a little too late." Allen looked embarrassed which made the mood enlighten a little.

"Ahem! Now... Let's get serious shall we?"

"Sure."

'The cases of exorcists being attacked increased greatly during these few days."

"Well we are exorcists aren't we?"

"But it seemed as if they were targetting only us, recently no civilians are attacked nowadays."

"I see."

"What must we do then?"

"From now on, you are to be grouped. Only in HQ premises are you allowed to disperse, however outside I expect that you will never break the group. As simple as that, any questions?"

"Wait.. what are the groups?"

"Oh I almost forgot, each group will need one general. So we'll have four groups. First group is lead by General Klaud, with Lenalee, Miranda and Marie. General Tiedoll is with Bookman and Lavi. General Socalo is with Timothy, Chaoji and Krory. Aaaand the last group is General Cross with Allen, Alma and Kanda." A final smile and he swiftly made his way out. 

"Why am I the only guy in the group?" Marie said feeling a bit cheated.

"Hahaha I guess brother didn't want any other guy with us!" Lenalee just nervously laughed.

"Well our group's pretty boring." Lavi said while the other two old men nodded in agreement.

"This is one ugly group." Spitting in the ground when General Socalo noticed there were no chicks!

While the last group... well just a little awkward.

"Are they gonna be okay?" Feeling a bit worried, Miranda felt the negativity around them.

"Hopefully..." 

* * *

A few minutes later, they haven't even exited the meeting place and chaos was already happening. "General! What did you do to Allen?!" Alma shouting at Cross who had no idea what was happening, "What?! I didn't do anything!"

"Then why are you guys acting like lovers?!"

"WHAT?!" Even the exorcists around them reacted. No one knew Alma was so straight forward.

"Alma! What are you talking about?!" Kanda just had to butt in the chaos.

"No, what's it to you pretty boy?" Cross teased him.

"Master just be quiet!"

"Why should I? Now what's between you two?" Emphasizing the 'you two' part.

"W-what?! Nothing!"

"Masterrrrrrrrr!"

"Allen stop clinging onto him!"

"Alma let the sprout go!"

"No! This old man doesn't deserve Allen!"

"Oldman?!"

"Well you are old."

"What did you say, pretty boy?"

"He said nothing! Now stop!"

"Beansprout! Stop defending this man!"

_"..." Awkward silence._

"He's my Master, so I can't!"

"What of it? I ignore Tiedoll all the time!"

"Why do you care?! I like Master so I'll visit him as much as I want!"

"You like the man that pushed all his debts to you?"

"WELL YEAH SO WHAT!"

"You're really dumb aren't you, Beansprout?!"

"The name's Allen! Master let's go!"

Pulling his master away and towards the exit. Though it was chaotic, they didn't deny that it was a break from whatever they've been going through. Somewhere, the people near them wished it didn't end after all. It was such a while since Allen actually socialized with them. If it were a few days ago, Allen would've kicked Kanda's butt by now. If he could that is. And they all knew the person whom they should thank is Cross. 

* * *

**Author's Notes:**  
Yaaaaaaay~ New chappie! :3  
So Allen's attitude yet again switched. I hope I made the multiple personality very obvious yet not revealing it directly here. I want to make it as if the people around Allen are slowly discovering Allen's true and many sides. X3

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS AND FOLLOWS AND FAVES ; A ;

**Haine Talk Corner~!**

kurie-tibiti: Yaaaaay! Thank god it was! Thank you for the review :3

Akkira Nala: LOL I've always hated Chaoji especially that moment he said he'd beat Allen PFFF as if. XDDD

FrenchMacaroni: OH noooesss there it goes again, I get a little too excited when writing hahaha I'll try on improving! :D

PassingBye: OH YEYS LOVE IT MORE BBY X3


	3. Sudden Death

DGray-Man: Recreant

_"He was just unfortunate enough to feel an eternity of luck defying moments. But the bonds sharing saddened lives is the greatest form of solution to loneliness. That is why he became a recreant to love."_

Chapter 3:

**Sudden Death**

* * *

The odd quad was quickly sent on a mission concerning the strange rapid increase of akumas at this one area. They weren't expecting the trip to be something to think about but they were deemed wrong.

"Master!" Allen screamed seeing the three of them quickly getting rummage by the many akumss they were battling. Allen's cursed eye was activating to so the continues distractions of souls calling out to him. Alma and Kanda would hear Allen scream "Leave me alone!" or "Stop it!" occasionally. They never knew what it was he was talking to.

They managed to get off barely the bunch of akumas, but then a familiar looking akuma decided to give them a visit. "Hello~" said the level 4. Allen remembered battling a level 4 which took them so much effort to kill. "It's a level 4... this is bad." He said backing out to take a rest Kanda grabbed Allen hand and pulled him up to stand. "Don't rest there while we work our ass off!" Kanda carelessly let his anger get to him. "Okay, I'm sorry." Kanda was getting irritated at how Allen was so giving. He let him be and left him alone which was the biggest mistake he could make.

After many hours of trying to fight off the level four, Alma was so worn out he could no longer stand. Kanda was still fighting the level four and just when they defeated it, "Sorry but it's not over yet heehee~!" The first level four died however two more came up from a dark portal. Cross gritted his teeth in annoyance, deciding to go help his kids, what stopped him was the appearance of a horse-like akuma. It was dark and had eyes as red as blood. It stood on four limbs, the horns were enormous and curled in a variety of directions. "Just what is that?" He was confused. 'A new type of akuma that earl created?' he thought. Just when the eyes of monster went soft it disappeared.

Cross panicked and went directly to where his little companions were and they were fighting the level four. When he noticed Allen holding onto his cursed eye looking in pain. His instincts told him to not let himself be careless and started searching for the monstrosity he just saw. Finally, he sensed the monster at his left and brought out his gun as he closed his eyes. Intensely, he was waiting and just at the moment he opened his eyes it appeared. He pulled the trigger and so his innocence was activated. Dozens of bullets were released with just one pull of the trigger. "It's over." He confidently said as he put away his gun.

"M-Mas..ter..." The faint voice, Cross immediately looked towards the familiar voice and when he got his eyes set, he was shocked to see a bloody Allen almost near death. He ran towards him, quickly ran his wounds through his mind and stopped the bleeding at the parts where his bullets went through. The worry increased when Allen went back to his sleeping state. He was happy enough he wasn't turning dark like a Noah's skin else, he'd be in trouble. Calling out to Alma as a plead to get Allen away from him as possible. Alma saw the scary stste he was in. Cros remembered he cannot let his guard down when he knows the horse was still there. "Hehehehe I never thought you'd be tricked with such cheap tactic, General." The horse was transforming into a human shape. A huge black fog covered his body, Kanda finally noticed the situation they were in, seeing the smoke and Allen's state. Kanda just finished defeating the level fours and ran towards them.

The horse-turned human grinned at them. He was standing on his two feet, dressed in a huge cloak of feathers. His hair was up to his waist and as dark was the oozing aura around his body. His eyes glowed in red, almost like vampire thirsty for blood. Finally his huge horns were poked out of his skull. "Surprised? The Earl is really brilliant in making monsters like me." Smiling while having fun looking at Alma's terrified face. "Really, why give me these pipsqueaks as my first prey?" A sadist he was. "Oh really, I hope you won't regret saying that." Cross dared him. "Ahahaha let's see."

The dark man ran to the point that he was visually unable to be seen. But his footsteps could be still heard. Cross closed his eyes and heard him about to his left again, "Get away." He told the three off. He activated his second innocence grave of Maria and gestured her to release chains to the direction he pointed. Meeting nothing, Cross stopped. 'Where is it?' He lost the man and decided to close his eyes yet again but then, "Where are you looking?" as he slashed Cross' right arm with his long sharp nails. The man disappeared once again. Cross was completely lost, looking for him once again, the monster gave cross and kick to his ribs. Gushing in pain, the menace decided it wasn't enough. He gave a great shove to his shoulders, making Cross step back slightly. He tried to hold onto the horse' arm but at the time he held onto it the man's left hand was at his own arm about to be forced pulled out. Cross quickly took gallops back and defended himself. His arm was just about to be ripped out by that monster.

He knew he had to think of a new strategy. Looking back Allen who was being treated by Alma he saw Kanda who looked back at him. Kanda gave him a glare and so Cross read it as a sign to stop fooling around and finish him off. Cross sighed, "Guess I'll have to do it." He said. He took his gun from his coat and gave it to Maria as she kissed it, transformed into a huge bow. Maria gestured a straight line in thin air, a white arrow was made. Maria gave the items to Cross as he prepared them almost like in archery however the bow was ten times bigger. Targeting right in front. Still no sight of the enemy, he dared to shoot it just there. 'What? Just there?!' Kanda thought when he wasn't sure where the enemy was. "H-how did you see me?!" The monster screamed in agony questioning Cross. "You better make sure your killing intent isn't showing, horse." He said. "N-no..! I'm not getting killed like this?!" Dropped on his knees, rolling like he was on fire. Cross smiled at the pitiful appearance the monster had. Just when he was about to back out and retreat, "Just joking~" The horse recovered as if nothing happened. "Well that was fun, now it's my turn."Using his horns, he centralized his aura to it and created and black orb and quickly released it towards Cross. As a last resort, Cross used Maria as a shield but to only be obliterated to bits. He used his gun and his arms to stop the impact to past through him and just as the beam became thinner it pierced the center of his torso as he coughed out blood. "Ahahahahahahaa! I guess my job is done." The man disappeared and so as his killing intent.

Kanda held Cross closer "Hey!" Trying to wake him up, "Oh hey..." Cross managed to let out an answer. "You cannot die, I'll rush to the order and call for help." Trying to persuade him to stay awake but Cross just couldn't stop coughing and the blood wouldn't stop. "General... please don't give up.." Alma begging Cross while his tears went down like a waterfall. "It seems... I was cocky.." He said grinning, he touched Alma's hand which was trembling. "This kid... I can't... believe... I'll leave him now..." He reached for Allen who was just as bloody. "NO! Y-you can't leave him!" Kanda stopped running hearing Allen's name, he new it was too late. "I should've... become a better.. dad." Tears forming at the ends of his eyes, touching the scar of his little apprentice. "This scar.. it gave him so much... sufferings.." He began gasping for air. "Can you tell him...I loved him.. as if he... was my own... my own son." Holding onto him and hugging him. Alma nodded rapidly "I will! I-I will!" Crying his eyes out, Kanda clenched his fists again losing a companion.

"I love you... Allen."

* * *

Allen woke up in his bed. He had a difficult time standing up but when he finally did, the first thing he did was to look for his Master. And just as he stood out of his room Kanda was outside waiting for him. "Where are you going?" He said straightly looking at him. "Why are you here?" Allen answered using a question. "Komui asked me to wait until you've awaken." He said looking serious, "Well?" still waiting for the answer of his first question. "Master." Kanda's eyed widened. "Before that, Komui told me to escort you to his office first." A quick decision he made. Allen didn't oppose and merely followed him. Making their way, Allen kept on having stares and murmurs around him. He knew he was talked about but it died down before. Kanda didn't bother on knocking and entered. "He's awake." Pushing Allen inside. Komui gave him a small smile before talking.

"Allen do you remember what happened during your mission?"

"Anything after I was shot... I couldn't remember."

"I see, then Allen please listen to me."

"..."

"General Cross is dead."

"He died after losing a battle against the unknown akuma."

Allen didn't talk but his eyes spoke for him. The light in Allen's eyes disappeared and just as his focus was gone since he looked beside.

"...Thank you for telling me."

"Allen if you want to cry then you can, don't try to hide it."

"I am crying. I just cried too much that no tears seem to make it's way out."

"Allen..."

"I'm sorry for the trouble I caused the past few days, please excuse me."

"A-allen! No.. Kanda please escort Allen back to his room."

Kanda obediently followed, so he lead the way back. It was silent. When they arrived, Kanda walked away. Allen heard the footsteps slowly disappear. And when it completely disappeared he skipped his robes down and reached for the back of his shoulder. "Master..!" Repeating his name over and over as his tears flowed down, he scratched the back of his shoulders that it made dark red marks. As he cried so hard that he wasn't able to control his sobs, he would claw his back with both hands to make him forget the pain in his heart. "Give him back to me! Master! No! No! No! Master!"

The day ended when he finally bled from too much pressure scratching his shoulders. He cried until his eyes could no longer.

* * *

"We're having another meeting, huh?" Lenalee sighed, it seems the number of meetings increased since General Cross passed away.

"It seems so, I think we'll have to regroup since the General died..." Thinking about Cross who died.

"I can't believe he's gone..."

"For me as well.."

"Okay, okay! Everyone, please take your seats." Komui entered with Allen who seemed different, he cut his hair short up to his nape and just as his hair had a bounce in wards. He wore a long coat and tight fitted pants along with maroon leather boots.

"As you may have guessed, we will be regrouping." Komui took a glance at Allen who seemed well.

"As we all have been informed, General Cross died a week ago. His death was done by an unknown akuma met by his group."

"Are you telling me this one akuma killed a general?!"

"Yes, and not to mention with all the effort Cross gave. The akuma did not show any signs of having difficulty."

"H-how is that... possible?!"

"I don't know and that is why we are going to be regrouped into two groups instead. Please listen, General Socalo will be with Lavi, Bookman, Krory, Chaoji, Timothy and Miranda. General Klaud and General Tiedoll will be grouped together since General Tiedoll has a defense type innocence. They are with Lenalee, Allen, Marie, Kanda and Alma."

* * *

"Allen! Are you alright?" Lenalee was concerned about Allen who was also wounded by the akuma.

"I'm alright, should we discuss anything?" Lenalee was surprised, Allen was back... to normal. He was talking formally just as when he first arrived.

"O-okay.." The group discussed about forming sub groups while in the order just in case and so the group Marie, Allen, Kanda and Alma was formed. General Tiedoll was with Lenalee but General Klaud preferred being alone.

"Hey let's go to the cafeteria, Allen?" Alma wanted him and Allen be friends. But Kanda always taggrd along. And just as Kanda wanted him to distance himself from the two, Allen hesitated. He looked at Kanda who didn't glare but knew he should keeo his word.

"I'm sorry but I'm not that hungry." What a lie, Allen never stops being hungry. Marie could tell that he was lying though. But Kanda's constant glares just freaked him out.

Alma started to notice Allen evading his offers. 'Why is Allen avoiding me?' Poor Alma had no idea his 'boyfriend' was restricting him. "Alright see you later, Allen make sure you actually sleep this time, alright?" Marie acted out as their peacemaker. Allen nodded and gave the group one last smile and entered his room. When he finally took oh his clothes he looked at himself in the mirror. 'Maybe I shouldn't have cut my hair... it reminded me of Master...' Allen remembered Cross' long red locks. Allen missed his master so much, now he feels a lot more lonely and miserable. 'I don't feel like changing anymore...' Getting sleepy Allen slept naked under the sheets. Imagining his Master sleep beside him he cried himself to sleep.

* * *

_Knock Knock!_

"Ugh..." He looked horrible from crying too much. His eyes were swollen, and his hair was messy. Too sluggish to put on some clothes, he grabbed the sheets and tried to cover his body. Reaching for the door knob the sheets slid down his shoulders, revealing pale skin over his nape and back. Along with a sullen face he opened the door only to welcome a grumpy man. "What took so long, beansprout?" Kanda angrily said until noticing the half naked Allen a sad face. "H-hey let's talk." Welcoming himself in and quickly shut the door.

"Why don't you wear some clothes..?" Having a difficult time deciding where to look, however Allen didn't care. He went back to his bed and knelt beside the window. "Mmnn.." Obviously too lazy to even pay attention to the man. "Hey, I'm talking to you!" He stomped but he wouldn't budge. Allen was lost. Staring out the window, Kanda got tired of watching the beauty looking at nothing. "What is it with you?!" Finally shaking him off, Allen snapped out of it, he saw Kanda looking at him. "I-I'm sorry! Did I space out again?" He apologized but Kanda stared, what was that about? "It was quite a while." Kanda kindly answered him.

"Are you here to talk about Alma? Don't worry, I'll keep my distance. If you want, I'll stop talking to him? Or would it be better if I act coldly to him so he'd hate me?" Allen continued, "Ah... Maybe I should stick to Marie instead? But... what if Alma persists.. he's a good child after all, he might not give up... I know, I'll ask Komui to transfer me to another group. I hope he allows me, though I've been causing too much trouble for him recently.." Allen wouldn't stop talking.

"Hey..."

"But since Kanda's asking, I'll just go with it.. But I might come across Alma.."

"HEY!"

Holding onto his shoulders, Allen was startled.

"Why are you doing all this..?"

"I-I... You told me to get away from Alma and you."

"I did but.."

Seeing Allen suddenly tear up, Allen clung onto his messy hair and cried again. Kanda was just lost in all his. First he was dozing off, then he turns into a noisy brat and now he cries? He just didn't get it. Kanda decided to wait until he stops, but he just wouldn't. "Hey..." The crying didn't stop, Kanda started getting worried once Allen held onto his shoulder and started scratching it. Kanda wondered why. Realizing the scratching wouldn't stop either, he forcibly slapped the hand away and checked his back. The upper part was filled with dark red marks. Marks that looked like it was self inflicted.

"Don't tell me you're..."

"I wanted to forget the pain inside! I feel so lonely! Master's gone... Mana's gone... I only have the order... But soon everyone would rather have me dead! This monster inside me! Even Mana is taunting me in my dreams! I-I've had enough... Kanda.. you and Alma... are the only ones who went through the same thing I went and still is going through! I..."

"It's enough. I'm sorry."

He grabbed Allen by the waist and hugged him. Fondling with his pale with hair, he waited all morning until he stopped crying.

"I've been so cold, but that only was because I don't trust anyone. I've hated you since you let this place take control of you. But... it seems even Allen Walker is like us."

"I only wanted to follow Mana's words.. which was to never stop walking but... it's just too difficult..!"

"Yes..." Trying to calm him down.

"Kanda! Please, I'm begging you... d-don't leave me alone!" Again, tearing up. Kanda was shocked at Allen's tear-stained face. Allen was truly giving his all in this.

"I won't leave you."

Just when Allen was about to feel happy.

_'... there will come a day where Kanda would have to choose... to stay with me.. or leave me for Alma. But... I already know what he'll choose.'_

* * *

**Author's Notes:**  
ANGST ANGST ANGST! * Q *  
Here you go, you're probably shocked I killed Cross aren't ya?  
Well he's dead for the real drama to start. Looking at where this is going, it seems this'll be a short story compared to my other title Fallen. I can't believe I just made it happen. Don't forget, Allen was naked the whole time~

WOW. I didn't notice this was the longest chapter I've written in both Fallen and Recreant. WHOOOPS. It seems the action part might have been a liiiittttle too wordy. Sorry about that! ;D

**Haine Talk Corner~!**

OneDayPineapple: Thank you bby ; u ; I will and here it isss~

Parvana: Here you are reading this one as well! Thanks so much Parvana bby, I'll give you as much as eye candy I can write! /heartheart *A*

Akkira Nala: Yaaaayy~ I intended Alma to be the other cute love interest for Kanda and not an annoying one! Good thing it came out that way~ Pheww! Sorry I just killed Cross there... I hope the next chapter would lighten your eyes ;DDD

AGAIN, I AM THANKFUL FOR THE FAVES AND FOLLOWS, ESPECIALLY THE NEW ONES! *insert drooling emoticon with heart eyes*

I'll give you the angst shit you all dream for _hopefully._


	4. I Thank You for Loving Me

DGray-Man: Recreant

_"He was just unfortunate enough to feel an eternity of luck defying moments. But the bonds sharing saddened lives is the greatest form of solution to loneliness. That is why he became a recreant to love."_

Chapter 4:

**I Thank You for "Loving" Me**

* * *

"Have you heard?"

"What is it?"

"Remember those two exorcists that always argue?"

"Ah... yeah! The one with long black hair and the other... with white hair?"

"Yeah, those. Have you seen the, recently?"

"Nope, why?"

"Dude, you're missing out. Once you see them, you'll break your jaw!"

A certain couple of exorcists finally made their way to fame just by casually hanging out. The constant murmurs and rumors running around was the product of the two finally becoming friends. Well for some a liiiitle too friendly.

"Kanda, have you eaten?" Looking at him with concern, his eyes shinning with concern.

"I haven't. Have you?" In a gentle tone he said. Allen shook his head so Kanda lead the way to the cafeteria.

* * *

As they entered the cafeteria, Allen quickly saw some familiar faces. They looked quite shocked seeing Kanda and Allen actually casually talking and Allen smiling while talking to him. And it wasn't the irritated smile as well. When he made eye contact with his friends, Allen gave a warm smile which made the lot blush.

They went to Jerry who seemed surprised himself. "A-ah.. Allen?" Other than being with Kanda and the new hair cut, Allen hasn't been going to the cafeteria recently which worried him. But now, seeing him with Kanda looking happy he was relieved even the slightest was enough. The usual long, wide-ranged order came soon. After that Kanda ordered his usual as well, the classic one Japanese noodle dish for him.

On their way to the table where his friends were all waiting in anticipation, they all beamed in happiness seeing that bunch of food back along with Allen's sweet and gentle face. Kanda looked relaxed and less grumpy than before which also made them feel a little unsettled but the reunion with the old Allen made them a whole lot less stressed.

Allen was whispering something to Kanda that made Kanda chuckle even the slightest sound of laughter. The others, gaped. "C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CUTE!" The atmosphere around the two just amazed them.

"Please tell me this is reality."

"It is."

"Just what happened?"

"I don't understand myself."

"Oh look it's Alma."

Kanda looked towards Alma who arrived late from oversleeping, he rubbed his eyes trying to clear his eye sight. "Allen..." Not sure if it was him, "ALLEN!" he ran straight towards Allen. He couldn't believe it. Allen was back to normal, that warm atmosphere around him, his humble tone, along with his new hair cut making him look so desirable and sexy, showing a lot more skin... his nape revealed... WAIT WHAT.

_'What was I thinking..?!' _

"Hey, Alma. Overslept?"

"A-ah... yup.."

"This is rare, why are you late?"

"Y-y-yuu was supposed to wake me up..but.."

"I'm sorry, about that, I borrowed him a bit yesterday."

"Ah.. it's alright."

"..."

"..."

"WAIT WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!"

"Huh?"

"Y-you guys.. did you leave me out of something?"

"...I'm sorry."

Alma tearing up from being left behind, but the sad smile Allen gave while apologizing made it an auto forgive.

"It's okay for me. But! If Yuu does something to Allen, I'll be the one to punish him!"

"Ahahaha thank you, Alma."

The aura suddenly changed from the mature atmosphere Kanda and Allen had to a cute and fluffy one Alma and Allen had.

"Is it really alright we're just watching all of this?"

"Uhhh... yeah should be fine."

"I guess they forgot I'm in the group... too?"

* * *

"Hey Marie, can I sit on you?" Allen asked with a straight face on, but the tone was happy. He took advantage of Marie being blind. However the strange atmosphere Marie could feel made him doubt it was even Allen. "Ah..uhm.. okay?" Allen went ahead and sat on Marie with his legs spread.

It was training day and Kanda and General Klaud were battling, it was a tag team. So Alma and General Tiedoll were waiting in the sidelines. "I remembered the time you said me and Kanda were similar." Saying that out of nowhere, "I remember saying that but what about it?" Allen wondered himself. "I dunno." Marie laughed at Allen's informality.

"Hahaha that's good. Is it true that you and Kanda are in '_good terms_' now?"

"...We understood something about each other and we eventually turned like this."

"Oh? What is this mutual understanding?"

"..."

"I was right. Both of you have gone through so much sufferings."

"Maybe it was that."

Feeling a bit sad from the unhappy memories he suddenly remembered. Marie could feel Allen's posture change to a slump, assuming it was because he felt sad. Marie hugged Allen from the back and rested his head on his shoulder. "Thank you. I love you Marie." And held onto his rested head gently.

"H-hey those two are..." General Tiedoll, distracted from loving two over there, feeling jealous.

"Kandaaaaa~!"

"No."

_'Allen.. he was lying about the whole thing.'_

* * *

"I.. want to go back." Allen said as night was approaching, Kanda nodded. "Well then, good night." Saying bye to Alma and the others, Alma looking all jolly and naive. He has no idea whatsoever.

Allen entered his room when Kanda invited himself in yet again. Sitting on his bed he stopped and stared into nothingness. Kanda noticed this and it bugged him. Going nearer to Allen he held his face in his palms. "What's wrong?" Sincerely concerned. "Nothing." He tried to put on a smile.

"If you don't feel like smiling then don't."

Allen dropped the smile he just had and frowned. Kanda closed his eyes in relief, he thought having Allen be honest is the best thing right now.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

"Because you asked me to."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Allen gave one last beam of happiness to Kanda, "Okay, the see you tomorrow!". Waiting for Kanda to leave the room the large cheerful smile was gone.

_'Is it really just because of that... Kanda?'_

* * *

_"Shush! Kanda don't act so coldly to Allen!"_

_"What? Why should I act differently?"_

_"Allen... he went through so much! What he needs right now is a friend he could trust."_

_"And why is that 'friend' absolutely has to be me?"_

_"You two, even though you almost fight everytime... whatever you're doing is making Allen show a different side to him."_

_"And so?"_

_"If you two become friends... things might go better!"_

_"..."_

_"Kanda, I'm just asking you to be friendlier to him, accompany him, gain his trust so tomorrow morning visit him in his room."_

_"Why should I?"_

_"Kandaaaaa, if it's for me would you do it, please?"_

_"...For you."_

Allen happened to hear this confidential talk they had before meeting Kanda the day after. His heart sank at the thought of Kanda doing all this just because Alma asked him to.

* * *

_'Why did I do that?_' Kanda was confused. _'Alma just asked me to send him back to his room...'_ Kanda wondered himself why was he doing unnecessary stuff in front of Allen. _'I need to keep my act straight.'_

"Oh! Hey Yuu~" Kanda entered their room looking stressed from thinking about what he was doing with Allen just a while ago. "What's wrong?" He tiredly sat on the sofa and rested his head before answering to Alma. "It's nothing." Thinking it was really just nothing Alma ignored it whatsoever.

"So? How did it go?"

"Hmm?"

"You sent Allen to his room, right?"

"Yeah, he's there."

"No! Was he happy?"

"Why are you so obsessed about the beansprout anyway?!"

"... I don't know but.. it's not just because I pity him."

"Then what?!"

"Maybe because I see a lot of us in him."

Kanda thinking of what Alma said, _'That's right it's just because of that. Nothing else. Beansprout is just like us, that's the only reason.'_

* * *

The morning came and so Kanda made his to Allen room. He knocked and Allen opened the foor for him. He noticed Allen's eyes were red and that they were swollen. _'What could he be sad about now?' _He thought. _'I don't want to go through another comforting session. Alma only told me to fetch him.'_ Forcing himself to think that way he ignored the beansprouts pitiful face. Not that Allen expected anything either. Walking through halls with him, it was the same couple like date that the others have been seeing. But in reality nothing was really happening, more like someone was stopping himself from doing anything.

"Hey Marie." Allen smiled while Marie gave him shallow bow as a greeting. "What is our mission this time?" Being asked to meet at one of the gates.

"We-rather you are tasked to make another gate in the South America branch. We have to accompany you, right?"

"Oh right, is General Klaud and Socalo going with us?"

"No, since it's still the order.

"Ah alright then, shall we go then?"

"Let's go."

* * *

They arrived at the South America branch with a few people greeting them. He they went to the new extension of the branch and so Allen began operation.

"Over here?" Asking one of the division member. He gave Allen a go and so he started.

Allen spread his arms wide open, singing the tune in his head. Then a large platform of white gradually appeared oift no where. Finishing the song in his head he determined the place of origin and the destination desired, a number appeared and it was done.

"I'm done!" Again his signature smile. Alma gladly approached Allen and shook his hand as a sign of admiration. "That was so cool, Allen!" The first time he saw Allen make a gate.

"Well then, since our job is done, we should-" An eerie but painful sensation came onto Allen's cursed eye. He quickly grabbed it and grunted jn agony. Gaining the attention of the people around him, his eye was activated. Seeing this, the people frantically shouted "Akuma!" Everyone ran, knowing the activation of his eye meant an Akuma's presence.

"Beansprout! Where is it coming from?" Already doing his duty as an exorcist, Allen pointed the floor. "O-over.. here.." Holding onto his eye in pain he screamed, but his scream was cut off when he coughed out blood. "Its.. aura is so strong..." Now his blood-stained mouth. "It's causing me internal damage.." Slowly checking his stomach area which was now a color of purple. Alma got frightened and quickly pulled Allen beside to safety.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Allen suddenly screamed so loud Marie panicked and tried to cover his ears, "...Allen?!" Worried, Marie ran towards Allen.

"Aw? Concerned for little unawakened Master Noah?" It was that same demon. "Y-you!" Kamda girtted his teeth in annoyance. He always hated these sadist monsters. "Well, I feel bad for making him suffer so much..." Playing with his long hair, "I'll do something about it." Just then Allen disappeared from Alma's grasp. When they looked at the demon they looked at the monstrous being, Allen was dangling from the grasp of the demon holding onto his head. "It hurts, doesn't it?" Caressing Allen's face, Allen trembled with the touch.

"Let me fix that."

With just one movement of his arm, he coughed out Allen's eye while he laughed enjoying this moment. Allen screamed at the top of his lungs, as the other unfortunate audience saw this gore show almost puke. From a high place he dropped the unconscious Allen however Kanda was able to gain enough strength to run and catch him.

"Well then, that was fun."

"YOU FUCKER!"

"Oh~ Don't get angry now."

"Shut up!"

"Oh, it seems it's nighttime already? I must not miss dinner!"

"How dare you..."

"Dare me you say. Alright, remember this if you ever want to play with me, Mr. Samurai. I am level 7, lucky aren't I?"

The man disappeared from within.

* * *

"J-just what is this...? Allen was harmed again but this time in the order?!"

"It seems it named itself Level 7."

"This just calls it for us exorcists, Allen Walker is going to die if we don't do anything."

"We cannot afford to lose anymore exorcists at this rate."

"It's your call Head Chief Komui."

"...I've decided."

"Allen Walker is to have a temporary silence in duty as an exorcist. He will be in a protective state to enable the assurance of the preservation of his innocence and the Noah memory he possesses. Only the ranks of exorcists and higher have access to his whereabouts. That is my decision."

_'Allen, I promised this myself ever since joining the Order. If this may be the only way to protect you, then I will make it so.'_

* * *

**Author's Notes:**  
Ugh, sorry my little brain is having another of what you call, writer's block. I can't seem to get out the plot of another story out of my head! My head's picky and only wants to think of things one at a time! ):  
So my brain's escape route is to make Allen almost die again, I am sorry. Especially sorry to Allen. Well his cursed eye regenerates so it's A-O-K.

So what do you think? Kanda's denying this unfamiliar feeling he does not understand! Hahahaha poor him, he's an amateur to love! I kinda feel bad for making Allen feel like no one loves him. But that's what this makes it dramatic! Tell me if you like this and also critics are very welcomed as long as it can make this story better! :)

Also please check my other story, **Fallen**, which is also -Man but my take on a continuation.

**Haine's Talk Corner~!**

OneDayPineapple: Don't hate my bby ;A; I love Cross so I wanted him to have a good death protecting those kids ; 3;

Kurie-tibiti: Awwwww.. Well it reached your heart! Please look forward to the next chapter X)

Firediva0: YES THANK YOU! I love Cross ; u ; I'm happy that this has changed your view of papa-chan (Cross)!

Akkira Nala: Well I thought making him fall in love with Allen so suddenly would be too cliche. So I made Allen feel like Kanda is only doing this for Alma. Which what is Kanda FORCING himself to think but in reality he loves this cutiepatootie. I only noticed when I reread the other chapters that Allen has been going though so much mood swings! So I made him stable for this moment. :)

Parvana: I luvs you bby. Enjoy them to the fullest /heartheart. I'm still having writer's block for Fallen so I won't update for a little while! ))):


	5. False Family

DGray-Man: Recreant

_"He was just unfortunate enough to feel an eternity of luck defying moments. But the bonds sharing saddened lives is the greatest form of solution to loneliness. That is why he became a recreant to love."_

Chapter 5:

**False Family**

* * *

_"Allen, didn't I tell you to stop talking so rudely?"_

_"Yeah, ya did-"_

_"See? Even your accent is back!"_

_"I can't I?"_

_"Well, I rried to teach you all I know, seems it didn't work?"_

_"...I'm sorry."_

_"You can do it after all."_

_"..."_

_"Allen, someone up there gave ypu the chance to learn. Be grateful and use whatever you. That may be the same reason why I love you as well, Allen."_

* * *

"D-dad?" Allen felt warmth on his forehead. His eyes finally fine, he looked to the side and saw Marie. "I'm sorry I'm not who you're looking for." Allen didn't get what Marie said, so Marie guessed he must've said that accidetally. "Nevermind. Allen how do you feel?" Caressing his hair, "I don't feel so well."

"I thought so. That's you're here, for now you can't leave this room, okay?"

"...I see, if that's so."

"Good boy."

"Marie... I love you."

"I love you too."

"Now, rest. Else, big brother will get worried."

"That's right.. You do act like my brother..."

He dozed off, just then Kanda entered the secluded room. "Kanda, don't do anything rash. I'll be the one who'll punch you if you do." Marie warned Kanda who seemed stressed about something. "So even you. It seems you've fallen for him?" Wow just as straight-forward. "No, Allen doesn't need anyone's affection. What he needs is someone to look up to and lean onto. And it seems he treats me like a brother." Kanda suddenly remembered that time Marie saved Kanda from the crows. Ignoring Marie's words, he entered the room and left Marie.

He came in with a few flowers at hand and changed the vase water. Looking around, the place had no windows which suffocated him. Though the place was wide and spacious, it was so quiet and lonesome. 'His eye..' Looking at his what was once a cursed eye, it was fully covered with bandages that ruined his hair. Flying all over the place, he fixed them to make him look neater.

_'Will you ever stop harming yourself?'_

However Alma's face quickly made him revolt and take back his hand. He gritted his teeth _'I'm losing myself. This beansprout... why is that everything I value is taken in by.. him?'_ He didn't know whether to feel angry or the opposite. _'Alma... I know myself that I love him. However seeing the beansprout slowly losing himself... it's making me doubt if what I feel for you is affection at all. I love Alma and I want protect him all my life but...'_

"Kanda..?" Allen woke up and what he saw made him frown, "Are you alright?" seeing tears flow doen Kanda's face. Allen pulled himself up to hug the stern man who was silently crying. Keeping his head near him, Kanda could feel Allen's warmth. "L-let me go!" He pulled away and Allen was little surprised. Looking down, he didn't react much. "I'm sorry, but are you alright?" Allen tried to keep a tough face on.

"Shut up! I asked you to stop involving us! But now.. you even managed to take Marie!"

"Huh? What are you saying..?"

"Just stop. You've been taking everything away from me."

"I-I never knew.."

"I want you to stop, don't talk to Alma or Marie! Didn't I tell you I won't leave you, am I not enough? Or would you rather seduce everyone else?!"

"S-seduce?! I-I never-"

"Then do what I say."

* * *

The next day, whenever Alma nor Marie try to start a conversation Allen would look beside to his window and ignore everything. When it was Kanda who entered Allen would do the same which would irritate Kanda. It lasted for days, however all Allen did was followed what Kanda wanted to happen. Yet when the others would talk to him he'd act the usual and smile and everything. Alma started feeling annoyed by this fact but Marie remained hesitant to hatred. He always had this feeling Allen must be hiding something probably everything.

"What's Allen's problem?! Ignoring me like that!" Alma was terribly getting agitated.

"That's a sign to stop meddling with the beansprout." Acting all smug.

"I-I guess you're right..."

"The kid brings nothing but trouble, stay away."

Kanda was starting to sound like a mother worried for his son so Alma jokingly answered.

"Yes, mum~!"

He was quite shocked, what he just said was a result of complete concern but Alma merely replied with a joke that he didn't like. He began to wonder if what he thought was truly the truth. Sure they were lovers in their previous time but this time is different.

"...Alma, do you remember our past life?"

"Yeah, a 'lil."

'We...we were lovers."

"We were... But that's in the past Kanda, this is a new life."

Alma gave a sweet smile but Kanda didn't feel the same.

"...Have you found someone?"

"Maybe I have... but he's ignoring me."

That may be the largest hint he could've given. While Kanda's heart was broken to pieces.

"I'm leaving."

"W-what? Where are you going?"

"Somewhere, wait for me."

* * *

"Hey."

Kanda entered the quiet room and observed the sleeping fool over there. His face all relaxed from the ton of sleep he's getting from this temporary break. Allen's back is elevated like when sitting down since his wound reopened. "D...ad.." Managing to let out muffuled words, Kanda quickly turned his head to the sleep talker who was already crying in his sleep. Feeling a bit worried Kanda covered his last working eye and the white head woke up.

"W-who's this?" He touched the hand covering his eye, but then no one spoke.

"Whoever you are... can I ask you a favor?"

"..."

"If possible... please offer some flowers to Master."

"..."

"That.. would surely brighten me up, so.. if you would."

* * *

Allen didn't know who it was who covered his eye but the next morning he learned that someone really did offer flowers for the fallen general. However the next morning came and so an unexpected character met with him.

"How are you Allen?" Komui held Allen's hand which awoke him. Seeing he looked fine, Komui smiled which enlightened Allen.

"I'm alright." A clean answer, so Komui put down his head and sat nearer to Allen.

"Your.. eye, does it still hurt?"

"It hurts.. sometimes. But the pain isn't that bad anymore."

"...Allen, so you know why its regeneration is slower than usual?"

"No... do you?"

"This.. is the result of your innocence getting weaker, Allen."

"My innocence?"

"Yes, the wounds you received from the level 7 caused this. Which means the level 7 is the worst menace an exorcist can meet. They're probably going to target the exorcists one by one. They managed to get Cross and now you're next."

"..."

"However there's no way I'm letting that be. After all, Allen, the reason why I entered the order is because I wanted to save Lenalee. She was the same as you. The order was continually making her suffer but then it was for a good cause even so, I cannot just let her suffer for that. I became chief eventually and now... Allen you need help."

"...I do?"

"You may think that you're alone, and that only Mana and Cross can help you but... you have us."

"...Can.. I really do that? Y-you'll just get involved a-and I might bring you trouble! And.. just like Master-"

Komui saw Allen tear up right in front of him while saying those words, seeing made him feel like cryimg himself but then he knew Allen seeked for someone. He grabbed Allen's head and tightened his grasp. He hugged him with all his might, he wanted him to know there's actually someone here for him.

"You were never alone, Allen."

Letting him cry some more.

"Even though Mana is gone, even though Cross is gone and wherever Tim is, I am always here. You might see me as a superior, but I might as well treat you like a brother or a son... no. My family."

Allen stopped at the end of those words. _'Family.'_  
He looked at Komui who had a face that's written welcome all over it.

"...Thank you."

Allen clasped Komui's hands together along with his and bowed his head. Komui felt a little surprised but that didn't stop him from being happy as well.

* * *

"Allen, did you ask someone to put flowers in General Cross' grave?"

"I did... but I don't know who.. do you know who put those flowers?

"I do... do you want to know?"

"It's fine.. Tell whoever did that, thank you for me."

"...If you say so."

"Thank you.."

"Alright then, good bye Allen. Have your sleep, okay?"

"I will."

Komui left and gave Allen one last wave good bye and just as he closed the door the happiness of his face faded when he learned Allen didn't know who it was that he asked.

_'I was surprised that Kanda would approach me for a favour. Though it was obvious that it came from you, I never knew Kanda would do so much just to please you, Allen. You.. are so fortunate to have him.'_

* * *

"Kanda what did you and Allen do?" Marie looked angry. It was rare that Marie would actually be angry. Angry about anything in fact.

"Nothing, what are you on about now?" Trying to make it seem like nothing.

"No.. it's just Allen's been ignoring me."

"How would I know? Maybe he's just not in the mood."

"Okay, how is he with you?"

"The usual."

"...Whatever you're doing.. just.. calm down, okay?" Marie wasn't quite sure where to put this uneasy feeling he had.

* * *

Kanda entered Allen's room for a short visit. However this time Allen looked happy and was reading this thick book. Curious, he sat beside the teen and noticed the book he was reading was an information book about flowers. He saw Allen smile like never before. It was sincere.. a smile like Alma's.

"Hey Kanda," Allen called out to him still not letting go of the book. "it's okay. You don't have to force yourself anymore." He said while reading the book.

"What?"

"You'd rather stay with Alma, right? I'm okay now, so if you want you can-"

"No. I won't let you-"

"What do you want me to do?! I did everything you said! I haven't talked to Alma nor Marie for days!"

"It's not that."

"Then what is?!"

"Can I ask something?"

"Huh? What now?"

"Why do you suddenly feel like everything's alright now?"

"...I've got family."

"Family?"

"Komui lent me a hand."

"NO! You are not to lean on him! I am here! I was always here!"

"W-what are you-"

"The reason why I asked you to stop involving Alma and Marie and even Komui is because I was confused! I hated seeing you and them being so affectionate! I hated that they loved you! I hated that you let them in so easily! I.. hated that what I thought was special was just a normal thing for you."

"...special?"

"That time I told you I'd stay with you... I thought I finally broke in you."

"Are you saying...?"

"I'm sorry it took me so long. I'm sorry that I threatened you, the truth is I forced myself to think that I was doing all this for Alma but then.. It just wouldn't stop."

"It wasn't for Alma?"

"It was never for him! Alma was... he's just my dear friend."

"Then what am I? If even Alma is just your closest friend, then what am I?!"

"Y-you're..." 

* * *

**CLIFF HANGER MUAHAHAHAHAA!**  
**Author's Notes:**  
Heeheeee I'm sorry about the rushness and the cliff hanger hohohoho! It seems I'll end this a bit earlier since I've run out of angst stuff to write. Aaaaand the next chappie will probably be the last :3  
Unless you demand for an extensiom lol jk

**Haine Talk Corner~!**

Parvana: Heehee~! Thank you for the lovsieeeesss! X3 It looks like I'll have to update Fallen now ;A; But I haven't found the the right plot in my mind, hopefully I manage to think of something!

Firediva0: More like familial love :) I like the harem theme but in a twist~ They all love Allen but in different ways, for some reason I've forgotten to include Lavi anywhere ; 3; SORRY LAVI.

Akkira Nala: YES! Hahaha but little Kanda is too jelly of Marie! I've always thought that Allen never did need a lover. I think that when you think of what Allen really needs, is family and people to lean on which he doesn't have or lost ): SO... KANDA TO THE RESCUE /bricked.

OneDayPineapple: Yes babe, tall hottie ikemen level 7~ I'm still debating whether to include a victory in the end or maybe just cut it off let's just see! :3


	6. You're My Idiot

DGray-Man: Recreant

_"He was just unfortunate enough to feel an eternity of luck defying moments. But the bonds sharing saddened lives is the greatest form of solution to loneliness. That is why he became a recreant to love."_

Chapter 6:

**You're My Idiot**

* * *

"Then what am I? If even Alma is just your closest friend, then what am I?!"

"Y-you're..."

Kanda became nervous. This was the very first time Allen saw Kanda nervous, well actually show anything but anger. Allen quickly became concerned when Kanda didn't speak for a while, he only looked down and sweated cold substances. "Kanda..?" He reached out towards the samurai's dangling black slick hair. Kanda finally noticed his hand and quickly slapped it off. It wasn't too long before he felt guilty.

"It's okay." Allen could see the guilt in Kanda's eyes.

"You are..."

"...?"

"SUCH A BEANSPROUT!"

Kanda ran out. Allen was left dumbfounded.

"What... just happened?" Allen could feel his cheeks turn red since it was turning rather warm. He tried to hold onto his cheeks. Although what Kanda said was unforgivable, he couldn't deny the fact that he saw Kanda blush at that moment.

_'Cute.'_

* * *

Allen was quite afraid to see Kanda the morning he woke up. He thought it was odd and quite weird even for a person who's seen so much weird stuff. When he saw the usual grouo in the cafeteria, Alma, Maria and.. Kanda he first debated to himself whether to approach them or not. He decided leaving things as is wasn't much of a great idea. He sat beside Marie while he felt his presence.

"I'm sorry... Marie, Alma and.. Kanda." Everyone was shocked. He started off the morning with apologizing statements.

"I've been acting weird lately, haven't I?" They didn't answer.

"Well I know I have been. So I'd to start the day by saying sorry."

"...It's okay, Allen. It was our fault. We knew we should've let It go since you've been through so much." Of course Alma couldn't take being mean to Allen anymore. Well mean for him was ignoring him foe the slightest second.

"You know very well that what you've been through is too much for one kid to keep. I wish that you've been more honest." Words of wisdom by Marie.

"You guys made some mistakes too. If I act too weird, tell me." They all had their own share of mistakes, but then Allen looked towards Kanda who was flustered.

"Kanda?" Kanda was startled by the sudden call of his name. Looking at Allen, he had a smile on his face. Unconsciously letting his guard down, his face softened. Alma covered his mouth in awe, Kanda softened.

"H-hmph!" He regained it quickly afterwards. Marie would turn his head towards Allen and show a confused face but Allen would shake his head. Allen gave off an impression that he had no clue about why Kanda was acting this way. Well it was a complete lie. He knows.

Allen did his usual routine. Get his mountain of food, eat with his friends. They finished eating however Allen suggested the other two go ahead wanting a little alone time with Kanda. Kanda tried his best to look away but then Allen sat at the direction he was looking at. Alken sat right beside him. Kanda looked serious while Allen merely smiled at him.

"Could you finish what you said before?" Decreasing the distance between them as he moved closer. Allen slowly traced fingers to meey Kanda's. Kanda's hand twitched, feeling the warmth of Allen's fingers. "...I'd rather not." He nervously said desperately trying to look for another thing to focuse on. "Why not?" Allen pouted. "Say, Kanda. What if I tell you that I already know?" Okay, Allen was just getting sadistic here. "Are you trying to get revenge?" Kanda said trying to fight back.

"Nope. It's just a wild guess."

"Wild guess, huh. Give me a hint."

"Let's see. You've been invovled a lot... involved with me that is."

Allen leaned close to Kanda's broad shoulders. Kanda flinched again. Allen was starting to enjoy this. Discovering this surprising side of Kanda.

"I'm really hanging here... lend me a hand?" Again with the teasing.

"...Y-you... you already know!"

"But I still want to hear it clearly."

"Tch..!"

"Maybe... a reward will do?"

Allen was now really leaning on him. He whispered that last line, Kanda suddenly felt Allen's warm breath down his neck. He swallowed.

"What're you-"

Allen kissed Kanda's cheek. Of course Allen is still right in his mind so he made a quick scan of the place for any people before doing that. Kanda pushed Allen. Blushing he touched the part where Allwn kissed him and frowned. While Allen was trying to keep himself from laughing, this was just too amusing for him.

"All of a sudden, I turned out to be the one leading you on!" The moment Allen said that Kanda really got angry.

"I'm not being lead on! If you want me to say it, then I will!" He stood up fro, the bench.

_**"I've fallen for you!"**_

Allen never expected for him to actually say it. All this time he just wanted to tease him a bit. Kanda sat right down and as he crossed his arms he took a peek at Allen. He was stunned. Looking at him, tears began forming onto his eyes. "What?!" Kanda was confused and felt just wrong. "Is.. is this true?" Allen wiped his eyes seeing this as a glorious moment while Kanda saw an idiotic face making sigh. '_What am I getting myself into?'_

"Yes, now stop." He put his palms rught below Allen's eyes. "This way the tears wouldn't fall." Still looking away, Allen thought that he looked cute which made him emotional again. "W-why are you so cute?" He looked like an idiot crying while snot was dripping as well. Saying that this man was cute Kanda scratched his head furiously at the idiocy of this boy.

"Hah... just.. stop, okay?"

"Ugh.. okay."

"Calmed down?"

"Y-yup..."

"Listen, okay? I won't say this twice."

"O-o-o-okay!"

He took a deep breath.

"If you want me to, I won't leave you. I won't do anything that would make you cry. So do the same. I don't want you to do things that would make you cry. Stop harming yourself. If you want to get revenge, count me in. So in short... don't hide anything from me."

Allen pinched himself to see if this was reality. He stomped on Kanda's foot to see If he was real and as the test results were, he cursed our loud.

"Then.. if I tell you that I plan to kill that level 7... will you-"

"I'll go with you."

* * *

The following days, Allen remained the same. His "_puberty_" stages ended when they finally became honest with each other. In reality, all the trouble happened because they both denied each other.

_They were __**cowards**__ to their own feelings._

Everything came upon a peaceful time. However they spent their time training just to wait until they meet that level 7 once again. The day came soon when they were sent on a mission along with the Generals.

However as the Generals stood to fight, the two stopped them. Instead, standing before them, Allen and Kanda unleashed their blades. The level 7 grinned with the sight of ambitious fighters. The wind blew past them, the demon blinked and they were gone.

**"We won't lose."**

* * *

**Author's Notes:**  
Welp there it is. Recreant. I hope you guys enjoyed it even as though it was supppeeerrrr rushed. I hope you guys liked the little bit of confusion there! Did you think Allen was turning into a seme? Well I like him as an uke so it's a no-no~ Thank you for the readers! I wanted to experiment with the romance genre while the main genre of this story doesn't include romance, I just lacked confidence to put romance as a main genre ))): Well I hope it turned out well! :D

_Please also consider reading my other works,_  
_Fallen ( -Man), Wahrheit (Code Geass) and my first romance centered story Hanakotoba (Naruto)._

**Haine's Talk Corner~!**  
Parvana: Yay! Here it is! I was actually intending another 2 or 3 chapters before I end it but my heart went elsewhere while writing and decided it's done for this one. ): I hope you liked this last bit of Kanda being suuuuper confused hahaha thank you Parvanaaaa~ X3  
Firediva0: Ahahaha yes! Sorry Lavi but I've always forgotten about him because he's been missing in the manga as well! Yes, Kanda is actually the nervous and shy type! Well with a little bit of teasing and rewards he'll come out eventually! Thank you for reading! :DDDD  
OneDayPineapple: YES Their troubles sprouted when he didn't want to accept his concern for Allen wahahaha! If he just accepted it from the beginning then all of what Allen felt wouldn't have to be all unfortunate things! Poor Allen ))): Apparently he's just a beansprout that made Kanda fall for~ Thanks for reading!  
Akkira Nala: Oh yes, sorry about that! I do see Marie with Miranda only as well ahahaha! Unfortunately I've lost ideas for this one, that may be why I finished it quickly. Well, if ever something comes up I MIGHT write a spin-off of some sort. Then again, I'm not quite sure! Thank you for readjng as well~!  
Syren Novade: Hahaha! Yes, Allen is quite the airhead when it comes to love but then when he fully understood, he was so... leading? AHAHAHA! Glad you liked it! :3


End file.
